I'm heading out to Phoenix Thursday for an extended weekend of Cactus League baseball during the daytime, followed by watching the Pac-10 tourney at night from any one of the six Hooters
restaurants in the greater Phoenix area. I'm a bit skeptical that there will be enough talent in Phoenix/Tempe to staff six Hooters, but I'm willing to find out. I guess Arizona State students need to support themselves somehow, and not all of them are comfortable going directly into porn
As for the exotic dancers of the NBA, also known as the dance teams, four more teams have been eliminated from nba.com's Dance Team Bracket
. A quick summary:
-In a matchup of underrated strip club cities, Dallas annihilated Portland, 71% to 29%. The Portland squad has some nice talent, but matched up against Mark Cuban's computer resources (I'm sure he created a program to auto-vote for the Mavs) and every guy's cowgirl fantasies, the Blazers never had a chance.
of Indiana squeaked by Washington's dance team, 58%-42%. The talent level in this matchup was very disappointing, but Indiana's team posted pics with the squad in red, white, and blue costumes. I think people voted for them as their way of saluting Old Glory.
-As the polls wind down to a close, Seattle
is comfortably ahead of Memphis, 63%-37%. As mentioned previously, Seattle's webpage includes a swimsuit gallery, which pretty much put this matchup on lockdown. They advance to face Dallas, March 16. I expect Cuban to post a lockerroom cam of his girls as they make a push towards the finals.
is surprisingly putting a beating on Chicago's LuvaBulls, 69%-31%. Chicago is essentially a one-woman team with Dinna
carrying the squad. Unfortunately her go-go dancing training and "stay in school" message was not enough to lead her team to victory. The Pistons go on to meet the Pacers, where much like any playoff meeting between their basketball teams, Detroit will be heavily favored.
There are two matchups schedule for March 9th. In the East, it's Philadelphia
vs New Jersey
.In the West, it's a battle of two champion contenders as the Silver Dancers
of San Antonio face the Phoenix Suns
. Let's break down each matchup:Philadelphia vs New JerseyWebsite
-The Sixers use a great pic on the nba.com page, but once you go to the Sixers dance page, it's a bit anticlimactic. In the main pic, the girls are all wearing loose tshirts and jeans, and the pic itself is of a poor quality. The Sixers do manage to salvage things by including links to a ton of videos of in-game routines. I haven't made my way through all of them, but the "Boots" one is nice. The New Jersey page opens with a video montage of the dancers. While the quality of the video compression could have been better, there are a few decent shots in there. After the video completes, the flash page then becomes a picture of all the girls in evening gowns, with each girl mapped out for a quick link to their bio.
Advantage: New Jersey
. The dance and evening gown competition in one easy click. I like it.Talent Level
: Clicking on the individual photo galleries for most of the Sixers dancers will result in a mad dash for the "close" button. It's not good. It's just not good at all. Caitlyn
on New Jersey's squad both have a lil' sumthin' sumthin'.
Advantage: New Jersey
. Sumthin' sumthin' beats nuthin' nuthin'.Bios
-Philly's bios include beauty secrets. They clearly have no grasp of the target audience for a cheerleader page. New Jersey's Caitlyn offers these words to live by: "Dance your cares away. Worries for another day. (Fraggle Rock theme song.)"
Advantage: New Jersey.
Tho I would like to thank Philly's dancer Amber-Joi for informing me that Avon Skin-So-Soft can also be used as a bug repellant and car cleaner.Intangibles
-Philly: Allen Iverson has thrown all of these girls out of his house, naked. New Jersey: Nothing good has ever come from bringing a Jersey girl home.
Advantage: PushPredicted winner
, as long as voters look beyond the initial nba.com page.San Antonio vs PhoenixWebsite
-Clicking on a San Antonio girl opens an audio file in which that dancer (Kimberly has great enthusiasm) introduces herself and gives a quick Spurs cheer. The Phoenix page has a large photo of all the dancers lying on top of one another in cleavage-revealing tank tops.
. Dance chicks should be ogled and not heard.Talent level
- Kristin, Tina, and Monica are all pretty hot for the Spurs squad, and they have both beach and game photos on their pages. I like that versatility. For as hot as the Suns girls look on their main photo, once you dig down to the individual pics, it's a bit disappointing. Uyen
still looks spunky, but the rest of the girls look like they want to go home, wash the makeup off of their face, and watch Dr. Phil.
Advantage: San Antonio
: Grace for San Antonio lists her favorite movie as "Blow." When Sun Dancer Uyen was asked who the one celebrity is that she'd like to have diner with, her response was "Jessica Simpson." When Amy Jo
(aka "Jiggy") isn't dancing for Phoenix, she's a high school math teacher.
. I got it bad. Got it bad. Got it bad. I'm hot for teacher.Intangibles
: San Antonio offers getting drunk on the River Walk. Phoenix has Arizona State coeds, nearby Scottsdale, and did I mention six Hooters in the surrounding area?
Advantage: PhoenixPredicted winner
. Although I have to admit that I'm really just giving them my vote because I'm hoping it will somehow give me some babe karma while I'm there. Speaking of which, I better start packing so I can hit the road early. Those hot wings won't eat themselves...